A quick update and vent.....

I saw the Dr today - he was hesitant to agree to give me a referral to the Mayo Clinic but he wrote one out anyway after I convinced him that was my next stop - only for me to later find out that he will need to call it into them. So that's another call, email or visit I'll have to figure out.

My one question right now is WHY in the world do Dr's make it SO difficult to get into to see them and/or talk with them. Especially Dr's who see people with chronic health problems - don't they know that we have needs that need to be addressed sooner rather than later??

I am so frustrated and feel that I've just run out of juice in this fight.....I need to refuel though because I know there is a lot more fighting to do until I come to a point where my symptoms are being successfully managed. I have so many questions and want so many tests run to rule out other potential underlying issues - but for some reason this particular Dr doesn't want to do these tests.......I don't get it.

I went ahead and had him change my meds again to go back on the Venlafaxine (Effexor) - as I had mentioned before, in retrospect, this one seems to be the best at keeping my pain at bay and my mood at a stable point. Although a nasty med to come off of, it does it's job......I guess we live and learn. Too bad I had to endure the withdrawls of coming off it just to get back on it....I feel like I've just gone in one big circle. OH wait, I did!

One big disapointment from today's visit - I asked the Dr to run an ANA panel and he wouldn't do it - it's a blood test to check for any potential autoimmune issues (ie, Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis) he feels that if anything I could have an immune deficiency vs an autoimmune disorder or issue - I don't understand why he wouldn't run the blood test to rule out the autoimmune disorders if I requested it........I'm not happy about it. He said I might want to see an allergist for testing to see if my immune system is deficient in any areas..........now an allergist, really?

I'm at the point of extreme frustration, exhaustion and just simply ready to say screw it....I know I can't......but I need some fire back in my fight because I've hit so many brick walls I'm beginning to crumble against them. I'm trying to be strong and believe and be positive but it's so very hard right now. It seems that no matter where I turn there is that wall being put up....I get around it only to find another one...and another...and another.......

I'm going on a year now since I first got sick and all of this began......it's been a huge challenge for not only me, but my entire family has had to endure every aspect of my illness from my daily gripes to the Dr's to the bills that are piling up....to my lack of being able to work like I use to and to my daily frustrations...it isn't easy and I love them so much for staying by my side through all of this and just simply understanding. I know it hasn't been easy on them.

I did make a call to the Mayo Clinic and at this point am not sure the program they have is really what I need - honestly at this point I feel lost and just don't know what I need........I wish someone would just take me, run every possible test they can, rule out anything they can and get me on the RIGHT PATH to wellness. I've done everything I've been told to do from exercising to changing my diet and eating "right", to watching my sugar intake, to taking meds to sleeping more etc.....I don't know what else to do because none of the "suggestions" have made a large enough impact on my health to make me feel like I'm even close to where I need to be.....or back to myself prior to getting sick - will I ever be that person again??

With all that said - I have no other choice but to move forward.......onward I go, forward to the next step whatever that might be..........